Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
