I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
