Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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