Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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