Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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