There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
