We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
