On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
