He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
