Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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