Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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