We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
