your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
