I just threw up on my dentist
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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