it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
