how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
