We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
