my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
