he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
