went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
