I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
