Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
