Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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