I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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