i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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