grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
