Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
