note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
