mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
