Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
