the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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