Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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