I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
