Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
