haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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