All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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