the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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