He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
