This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Damn victory sex feels great
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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