no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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