if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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