haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
