4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
