Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
