White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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