I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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