After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
