so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
