as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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