The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
