ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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