He is an equal opportunity slut.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
