I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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