I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
