Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We left the knife in your bed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
