Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
