just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
